On International Women’s Day 2020, which marks a call to action for a gender equal world, Michael and Olivia of British Land reflect on their experiences as a couple both taking shared parental leave. They explore the importance of equality and flexibility for modern families, as people live and work in different ways.
Opportunities should be equal
Olivia: We take an equal approach to parenting, so it always made sense for us to share parental leave. I may have carried Finn for nine months, but we’re a team. It seemed natural that Michael would take time to look after our son. It’s not the 1950s anymore.
We staggered the leave to work for us. Michael took three weeks after Finn was born and then seven weeks at the end of the year, using shared parental leave and holidays. We had some time together as a family before I handed the reins over to Michael. He did days and nights and I used this time for keeping in touch, going into the office.
Michael: I have a much better understanding of shared parental leave now. I used to see it as a perk for dads and I think a lot of people see it that way. Don’t get me wrong, shared parental leave is of enormous benefit to fathers but it’s much more than that. It gives flexibility to all working parents and families, to make choices that work for them.
The standard model of 12 months for mums and two weeks for dads simply doesn’t work for every family. Families need flexibility, and opportunities should be equal. That’s why British Land offers up to six months shared parental leave on full pay. They support employees to live our lives and careers in ways that work for us, reflecting modern lifestyles through their benefits.
It’s okay to do something different
Olivia: I think some mums feel they have to maximise their maternity leave. But it’s okay to do something different. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s really positive. By the time my maternity leave came to an end, I felt I’d made the most of it. I went to Australia with Finn to spend time with my godmother and her family, who I’m very close to. I breastfed for ten months. I made some incredible bonds with other mums local to us. Then, when Michael began his shared parental leave, I phased back into work. It felt completely natural
Michael: When you go on holiday to spend time with your family, it’s a break from work. When you take shared parental leave with your son, it becomes a full-time part of your life. Often, fathers get less exposure because you’re at work, and then at the weekend you’re both there. I always knew that at the end of the year I was going to have that time with Finn. And it was a valuable experience for me. I have a better understanding of his day-to-day needs.
Shared understanding
Olivia: It was good for our relationship because there’s more shared understanding. We already both understood what life’s like in the office, and then when Michael began his shared parental leave, he got a real insight into what life is like looking after a child on your own, five days a week. There are tough days, and now we’ve both experienced that challenge. Our parenting is shared, which is important for Finn. It’s good for him to know that both of his parents took time out of their careers to look after him.
Michael: Everyone legally has the right to take shared parental leave, but most dads don’t. Sometimes it’s because they don’t have the financial support from their employer to do this. But it can also be cultural. It’s up to people in senior roles to lead by example. I always knew that I had the support of the team. There was never a problem keeping in touch, so I could hit the ground running when I came back.
It’s been incredible for us as a family
Olivia: Being a mum for the first time can be the best days of your life, but it’s also full on. Sharing that responsibility meant that I could go back to work when I was ready to and that Michael could take parental leave too. It worked for us. I spent time with my son, we had time together as a family and Michael was able to spend time on his own with Finn. It’s been incredible for us as a family.
Michael: In over 15 years, shared parental leave is the most time I’ve ever had away from work. Whilst it’s not a holiday, you do come back rejuvenated because you’ve been out of the office and spent time with your family. It’s given me a new perspective. It builds a bond between employer and employee too, when you have that work/life balance. They give you the flexibility, trust and financial support to do it. That does inspire loyalty.
Having a plan
Michael: I’d encourage every employer to look at what you can change to support modern lifestyles. Oh, and to any dad about to embark on shared parental leave, I’d recommend having a plan. I realised in the first week that if I didn’t have a plan of what to do with Finn, the day just disappeared and we’d still be in the house at 3 o’clock, trying to get ready. We went to a lot of museums – the Maritime Museum was a favourite – along with parks, swings and cafés.
Olivia: I love being back at work, and Finn’s settling in well at nursery. He’s had an amazing year with both of us. I’m grateful to British Land for allowing us to have that time and flexibility. It should become the norm. Why shouldn’t you give everyone the same opportunities?
Michael is Head of Planning at British Land
Olivia is PA to the Retail Team at British Land
British Land offers enhanced shared parental leave and pay to employees after the birth or adoption of a child. Our Shared Parental Pay Policy, introduced by the Women’s Network in early 2017, far exceeds statutory requirements.